[00:00:00] Speaker A: Sa.
Welcome to Vital Signs. I'm your host, Jen Gode and we're here because I believe that we are going to uplevel your greatest asset, your health. Today we're going to talk about something that impacts your stress, your energy, your relationships and your ability to perform at your highest level, your nervous system.
You can have the best strategy, the strongest mindset and the right intentions. But if your nervous system is dysregulated, you're still going to sabotage your performance, your health and your relationships. You're in luck because today. Joining me is Anant Puree, founder of Training Camp for the Soul where she helps leaders, entrepreneurs and individuals retrain their nervous system for resilience, clarity and connection. Anant, welcome to the show.
[00:01:14] Speaker B: Thank you, Jen. Great to be here.
[00:01:16] Speaker A: I'm so excited to have this conversation with you.
You know, most people think that stress is mental, but you say that it's physiological what's actually happening in the body.
[00:01:28] Speaker B: So what's happening in the body is that you are no longer in control and your system will go into overdrive. It will go into fight, flight, freeze or please, people, please.
It's like being chased by a tiger.
You're no longer thinking about what am I going to make for dinner tonight or let me sit down and play with my kids or have a conversation with my husband. You are literally in survival. And so heart rate usually increases, body contracts, the breath will slow down or will get shallow, I should say.
And yeah, that's what's happening in the body.
[00:02:15] Speaker A: So talk to me a little bit more about this.
So many really high functioning, high performing people. We look successful on the outside, we look chill, we look relaxed, but internally we're feeling really overwhelmed. We're stressed out. Talk to me about why that is.
[00:02:31] Speaker B: Well, I know this one well because it was me for many years. We learn to override our nervous system.
We learn that the way to be is to continue to perform and go and do. I mean, I used to lead these retreats, six day retreats and I do 10 healing sessions a day like today. You couldn't pay me to do that, but I was overriding my nervous system and it becomes familiar. We get used to the overdrive being in park when it's actually not what's in park.
And so the opportunity that there is for these high performers is to retrain their nervous system to learn that that is what's going to get them to burn out.
That's what's going to have them come home to their partner like I used to after Six days at a retreat and not be present, be overwhelmed, and get into fights with him.
So that's what does it.
[00:03:37] Speaker A: So let's back into that a little bit more, because I find society trains us to be people pleasers. Society. When we're athletes, let's just talk about athletes or other high performers, entrepreneurs, executives. It's almost as if it's an expectation for us to grind and grind and grind and grind and never recover. However, when we're talking about elite athletes, elite athletes put so much focus on the recovery period because they know that if they keep grinding, they're going to have an injury. Right. But as high performers outside of athletics, we forget that.
What does that feel like? If we're on grind, grind, grind, grind and not giving ourselves enough recovery, enough nervous system regulation so that we can stay out of burnout, what is that present as? Are we talking anxiety? Like what. What are the symptoms that I might be experiencing?
[00:04:31] Speaker B: Yeah, you are talking about anxiety and you're talking about overwhelm, and you're talking about dissociation. You're talking about someone that will overreact in a situation that is not that big of a deal. You're talking about someone that won't be able to sit down and be present with their kids or their kids are playing and, and, and having a good time and being a little bit loud.
And that's too much for your system. So the subtle things become too much because you're outside of what we call your window of tolerance.
So everything feels like you're right on the edge of that explosion.
[00:05:10] Speaker A: And so if people are watching right now and they're like, oh, my gosh, I feel so exposed right here. Don't worry, guys. We all have this in our life in some way, shape or form. But they're feeling like, oh, you're describing me. I feel like it doesn't take my kids anything. And all of a sudden I'm screaming at them, and I don't want to, but it just happens that way. Or I feel like I just want to go bury my head in the pillow when I have other responsibilities. So if that's them and they're watching this right now, what is the one thing that they can do right now that can maybe shift them out of that fight or flight or freeze response?
[00:05:44] Speaker B: Yeah. Well, I'll give you the one thing, but it's not like, ooh, do it once, and that's it. This is a practice. It is about retraining your nervous system. And the most powerful thing that you could do is start to work again with your breath, is to slow things down and to take that deep breath.
When you're listening to someone speaking, you need to be doing two things. You need to be listening to them and at the same time taking advantage of the fact that you're not the one speaking during that time and to take a deep breath. Use that time to take those deep breaths. So your kids are running around, they're screaming. Your job is just to.
Because when we are dysregulated, when we are in that fight flight response, the first thing that goes is your breath. It becomes shallow. It becomes up here, high in the chest.
[00:06:41] Speaker A: And so I love that you brought
[00:06:43] Speaker C: us back to the breath because that's
[00:06:44] Speaker A: something that we've heard about on the show. I mean, let's be real. We've heard about breathing and the importance of breathing on the show, but it's
[00:06:50] Speaker C: the easiest thing to forget, which is really interesting.
[00:06:52] Speaker A: Because, folks, we have to breathe to live.
[00:06:55] Speaker C: We have to breathe to live.
[00:06:56] Speaker A: We can't be in existence without breathing.
[00:06:58] Speaker C: But somehow we forget to breathe and we become very shallow.
[00:07:02] Speaker A: So you've given us that. Take a deep breath. Well, how do I know if I'm
[00:07:06] Speaker C: taking that deep breath?
[00:07:07] Speaker A: What does it feel like?
[00:07:08] Speaker C: How is it different from a sensation
[00:07:10] Speaker B: standpoint, From a sensation standpoint, what starts to happen is the body starts to release.
Yawning is one of the ways. It's not that you're tired, it's that your body is discharging a lot of times. Think about it. That's why we yawn a lot in the evening right before bed, because we're discharging more of that energy. We're down, regulating, literally.
[00:07:34] Speaker A: Okay, fantastic. So I'm going to ask you the next question because we were talking about this off the air. We were talking about how so many people, they're. They're leveraging, for example, AI and they're saying, hey, I'm having this problem. What can I do? And AI says, oh, this is what's. What's causing it. And it's sort of mini diagnosis if I don't want to call it a diagnosis. But it gives you some reason why you're doing something. And then the immediate response is, oh, okay, I'm going to fix that like this. Why can't just educating ourselves and maybe trying to shift our mindset alone work to fix this?
[00:08:07] Speaker B: Yes, yes. So the reason is because the nervous system responds 10 times faster than the mind does. So in 0.2 seconds. Yes, I said 0.2 seconds. Like, can you even imagine how fast that is? Your nervous system is responding to whatever's happening. In 0.2 seconds, it reaches your conscious awareness. So whatever is programmed in your nervous system not as right or wrong, but whatever's programmed in there is as familiar, is exactly what's going to be the thing that your nervous system either moves through or puts you into a survival pattern. So you could have all the best intentions because AI just told you here's the thing to do, yet you still do that old thing because that's what's programmed in as familiar.
[00:08:58] Speaker A: And you know, folks, I mean, we talk about this a lot with athletes. We talk about this a lot in business as well.
When we're under stress, we fall back on our level of training. We don't fall back on our level of desire or what we want to do. It's what have we trained. So let's talk about training that if we are already cognizant and aware that we happen to operate in this high stress, high anxiety zone or we're overwhelmed and we know we're supposed to breathe, what does that daily practice look like? So that we're not only doing it when we notice that we're over the edge? Like what does the daily training look like for us?
[00:09:37] Speaker B: Yeah. So if you're a complete beginner, I highly recommend, if you look at the link that's Posted
[email protected] Safety is my cultivating safety, breath work and somatic practice. Because it's going to train you how to feel safe again, to cultivate that safety, to get into your body so that you even know what it's like when your body is stressed and dysregulated. Now if you already are someone that has some of that practice and you know how to do that, what it looks like is regulating throughout the day because I like to call it self care. Because if you're not self caring at the end of the night, you're gonna be self repairing which is the like, oh, I need to take a bath or like crashing on the couch thinking that that's self care, that's self repair. The self care is in how many moments throughout your day. I know for myself and I'm sure for you as well. I'm on a lot of calls, a lot of interviews and taking every opportunity to that you're not the one speaking.
To take those breaths right now, to take those deep breaths. It makes a world of difference when we fill ourselves up so much. Yep, keep doing it, Jen. Right now, this is your opportunity. I'm the one talking. So it's your time to take those deep breaths. What did you just notice?
[00:11:03] Speaker A: Oh, yep. I do this. This is a practice that I do, and I'm going to just share that. I do this before every meeting. I do this before every hard conversation.
I do this when I immediately have a gut reaction that I just want to blow up because something like this face needs deliverance. I'm just going to be real. And when somebody says something that is absolute or doesn't do something that they were supposed to do, like, I can't help the face, but what I can do is take the deep breath so I don't react emotionally.
So let me just close with you. Don't rise to your goals, folks. You fall to your nervous system training. So today's the day to start breathing, take that deep breath and start practicing that when you can before that meeting,
[00:11:39] Speaker C: before you pick up your children while
[00:11:41] Speaker A: you're in line to get them from school.
Next up, we're going to dive deeper into the emotional patterns and why the same triggers keep showing up in our lives and our relationships. But we will be right back.
Welcome back to Vital Signs. Loving what you're watching. Stay connected to this show and every NOW Media tv, favorite live or on demand, anytime you like. Download the free Now Media TV app on Roku or iOS and unlock nonstop bilingual programming in English and Spanish on the move. Catch the podcast version at www.nowmedia.tv. from business and news to lifestyle culture and beyond, Now Media TV is streaming around the clock. Ready whenever you are. But now let's get back to our conversation because it's so juicy. Have you ever had the same argument and this same exact reaction, that same sort of emotional loop over and over again?
Yeah, me too. Let's dive deeper into emotional patterns and why so many of them are automatic, unconscious or subconscious and rooted deeper than we think. I'm here with Anat Perry, and we're going to talk about the patterns being formed early in life. Anat, how do those early life patterns show up when we're adults?
[00:13:27] Speaker B: Well, I mean, the script is written by the time you're seven years old and you learn it from mom and dad by what you see, what you hear, what you feel energetically, what they model to you that you just absorbed in like a sponge, and that becomes your script.
So if mom was always busy, busy taking care of the house and everything, you might have learned to always keep busy.
If their relationship was rocky, you might have learned that love isn't stable. And that becomes the script, that becomes what's familiar to your nervous system, that becomes the way to operate and to be. So then as an adult, you're a just even possibly attracting relationships that match that, that don't really serve you, that are toxic, but you grew up in that, so that's what you see as healthy.
[00:14:23] Speaker A: So let's dive into that a little bit more because we see this all the time, right? And I watch this with my friends. I have been guilty of this in the past before I did my own work internally to sort of move past this. But maybe you're in this relationship, you know, it's not good. Maybe it's a friendship or maybe it's a romantic relationship, whatever, and you move on to the next and the next, and it just keeps happening. And you know better, you go, okay, here's the red flags. And. And so you check off some of the red flags, but you still end up in the same situation.
Why is it that people keep repeating the same relationship dynamic? Even if we know better, like, we have awareness that this is a pattern and we're actively trying to get out of it. What keeps us stuck in that dynamic?
[00:15:04] Speaker B: Again, the nervous system operates quicker than the mind does. I remember going through this with my husband of like, trying to heal the part of me that feels like I need to be perfect. So anytime he would get upset with me about something, it would hit that, like, I'm not perfect.
And therefore I would get defensive. And it's like, ah, that's not what he wanted. He didn't want a defensive partner. He wanted someone that would listen and just receive exactly what he was saying. And so what the work is and why this happens is because again, our nervous system, whatever is programmed in as safe and familiar, is what we're going to act upon. Even though we have the best, deepest desires to show up as our greatest self, you have to retrain to get to that.
[00:15:53] Speaker A: And so awareness is not enough, folks. I mean, I think we've talked about this on the show before. I mean, awareness is the first step, but the next step is we have to actually retrain. We have to interrupt those patterns and retrain our brain. So you just gave us an emotional trigger or emotional trigger that gets our nervous system going in a certain way. How do we begin to interrupt those patterns? Like, what does the pattern interrupt without the guilt? Because I know I've been through this work. A lot of people go through this work and they start on this journey. But anytime we relapse or we Feel that again.
We're already berating ourselves and that's counterproductive.
[00:16:31] Speaker C: So. So how do we interrupt the patterns
[00:16:33] Speaker A: without the self blame and that guilty response?
[00:16:36] Speaker B: Yeah. First it's recognizing that it's not who you are, it's what you learned. It's not actually you. So think of a metaphor of you are in the driver's seat of your life, and when too much hits your system, when you're overwhelmed, the bodyguards take over and they say, get in the back seat and they take over. And these bodyguards are those patterns where maybe you need to be right and you're defensive or you're the people pleaser, or you just dissociate and run away and check out and your partner gets upset with you because of that. That's not you, that's the bodyguards. And they're doing their job.
So it's not about being upset with yourself. It's recognizing, I got hijacked, it's not actually me here anymore.
That the work is. How can I tend to that part of myself? How can I regulate, come out of overwhelm? Because the second you do, you're back in the driver's seat.
[00:17:38] Speaker A: And so you already gave us a tool earlier. You gave us the tool to take that deep breath. But talk to me about why this is so hard for us to do this on our own and why it's so important to bring someone else in, somebody like you, with your expertise who can guide us through and be that support network and help us to move through this pattern. Because, folks, I believed that I could do it. No, you can't do all this on your own. A lot of times we don't even have the awareness at the level that we need. So it's really important to be guided. So why is that the case? And how do we find the right person to help us through some of these?
[00:18:16] Speaker B: So why it's the case is because a lot of times, again, we have spent years just being in that protective state that we don't know what it is to feel safe enough to be in our body again. That's why my free gift to you guys today would be so valuable to start to build that safety and trust. You want to think of your body and your emotions as like your inner child, except for you've had that child locked in the attic or the trunk of the car.
And so when you finally open that door, they're not necessarily gonna run out and into your arms and say, yay. It's going to take some time to repair, to Reunite and to feel safe again with what's happening in your body. And so to work with someone, to work with a guide, a practitioner that understands this, that understands what it is to build this capacity and the power of being reconnected to ourselves is a guide that's walked the path.
So you get to borrow from their nervous system. There's something called CO regulation, so to have someone that could hold that safe space, be your cheerleader, so to speak, and help you learn how to nurture yourself until you're able to be that
[00:19:35] Speaker A: for yourself, you know? And earlier today, I believe, before the break, we talked about how AI is great for sort of bringing us into awareness, but then it gives us a couple of steps and a lot of times we think we can do it and we can't.
Is it because we're missing that safety container or is there other aspects to this?
[00:19:54] Speaker B: Safety is the first. It's learning to feel safe. So when you think about someone who wants to learn how to surf in the ocean, and let's talk about the Pacific Ocean, because it's cold, they need to have a wetsuit on, right? They need to do the things before they get in the water. And so think of the water as the ocean of your emotions.
And so before you run into the ocean, the Pacific Ocean with that surfboard, you're gonna stretch and you're gonna put on that wetsuit. So that's like the beginning of it, of warming up, doing the breath, cultivating safety, getting connected to the body and. And the sensations that are there. Then you're getting into the ocean of your emotions, meaning you're tapping into. Where is that trigger? Where am I holding that quote unquote, fear or anxiety, and then naming the sensations that are there, because sensations are the language of the nervous system. So when we're naming sensations like, it's in my chest, it's the size of an apple, it's heavy, it's pushing down, it's. It's prickly, it's hot. When you name it, you're in a state of curiosity. And so you're creating this bridge of letting your nervous system know this isn't a threat. I'm getting curious. I'm actually looking behind door number two.
So it's creating that bridge to safety, to curiosity, where the nervous system says, ah, okay, I guess we're getting in the water and we're going to do this, we're going to learn this.
And then from there it's learning to actually ride the wave of emotions.
How many times do we feel something and we say, well, why do I feel that way?
Or I don't want to feel that way. That's like being in the ocean and saying to yourself, why this wave? I didn't want this size wave. And what happens a second later?
You get plummeted by it.
[00:21:56] Speaker A: That's right.
[00:21:57] Speaker B: And so the opportunity is to learn to accept, not to question what it is that we are feeling, but to learn to express what we're feeling.
So we as adults, over the years, all of us have been more programmed to suppress as opposed to express.
So we've forgotten how to.
You have grandchildren. Believe it or not, I've heard right, you have grandchildren. If you told your grandchild, we're going to Disney next week, how excited?
[00:22:30] Speaker A: Oh, super excited.
[00:22:31] Speaker B: And so how would they express that excitement?
[00:22:33] Speaker A: Oh, they'd jump up and down.
Then they would ask me every single minute for the next duration or when is it, how long, how much longer?
[00:22:41] Speaker B: Yeah, but they'd jump up and down, they'd scream, there'd be some facial expression.
That's what it is to express.
And so to ride the emotion is to allow yourself, and I know guys, that this is going to sound challenging, to allow yourself to be that three year old again and actually express it.
So if you're feeling annoyed, like how much can you allow yourself to do that? What you're doing with that is you're getting all your energy and your focus to this sensation, to this emotion, and you're retraining your nervous system to get familiar with this type of energy. Because your emotions are just energy in motion or when they're not expressed, they're suppressed. Right. So they're stuck. So getting it expressed helps it come out, helps it come out, and more importantly, helps train the nervous system again to, to know that this emotion is normal, it's safe and it's okay. Yep, it's okay. So what happens in the future when something activates that triggers that is that in 0.2 seconds you discharge it. You don't have a reaction to it
[00:24:01] Speaker A: or perseverate, or have the anxiety and
[00:24:03] Speaker B: all the other things, you're able to stay present.
[00:24:06] Speaker A: That's exactly right. So for those of you who are watching, ask yourself, why do I keep reacting this way? Allow yourself to feel the emotion, because the reality is we can feel the emotion. Emotion can pass through us in less than 90 seconds.
So just ask, what happened? What did I feel in my body?
And create that awareness. So you can open the choice. You're not broken, you're Just conditioned. And the beautiful thing about that is conditioning can only be retrained. Coming up next, how these patterns impact your relationships, why emotional safety is the foundation of connection and more.
[00:24:36] Speaker C: We'll be right back.
[00:25:10] Speaker A: Welcome back to Vital Signs. Your relationships aren't just about communication. They're about regulation.
Most people try to fix relationships with better words, but the real issue is often how we're showing up physiologically.
We're here with Anat Perry and we've been diving into a little bit of this conversation. Why do I repeat the same patterns over and over again? How do I break that cycle? What are some ways that I can downregulate my nervous system? We talked about breathing. We talked about allowing ourselves to express our emotions so that our nervous system learns that, you know what, hey, it's okay to feel this and allow it to pass through us so that we don't perseverate on it. But now I want to dive into emotional safety. And what does that actually mean in a relationship? So, Anat, what's your take on that?
[00:25:54] Speaker B: So I think a lot of people think that emotional safety is about communication. Communication.
And although that's part of it, what you're saying, so much of it is how regulated you are, how. What's your tone, how's your nervous system, how much eye contact are you making, how present are you? Are you able to just be there and listen to your partner? That's what creates a safety more than you saying, I'm here, I'm here, I'm listening to you while you're doing other things like cleaning and all that stuff. Stuff. It really creates that space of holding someone while they are sharing whatever's coming up for them.
[00:26:29] Speaker A: You know, I talk about this a lot in my regular life, in the day to day with my clientele. And it's the best gift that we can give any human being is the gift of our full presence and our full attention. Because that's exactly right. It creates that space that says, hey, I'm here. And all I'm doing is focusing on what it is that you have to say. And it's so important, folks, especially when we're talking about our children and the people that are close to us.
So that's an ideal situation.
What happens when two people with dysregulated nervous systems are interacting?
[00:27:08] Speaker B: Okay, well, it creates a loop, right? It creates this loop of you're not actually there anymore. Remember the car analogy? You're in the backseat, you've been hijacked, and it's one nervous System against the other, it's fight against flight.
And they're just gonna continue to be in that loop until someone burns out, until someone gives up.
[00:27:37] Speaker A: That's a terrible situation. Especially when we're talking about family, friends, people that we really care about.
So talk to me about if you're in, if you're doing this work now, but your partner isn't, and you're starting to regulate your nervous system, you're starting to own that space, show up attentively, but you're still being triggered in the same way by your partner, your spouse, or could be a child, could be a parent, what have you.
Talk to me about how do you do we operate in that while we're doing the work, so we are not self sabotaging.
And what can we do to bring this to our partner? If they're less than receptive again, they're
[00:28:21] Speaker B: gonna learn just like as kids by whatever you model. So if you're the one doing the work, if you're the one that has learned more and that has more tools and more access to knowing how to regulate your nervous system, you got to practice what you learned. You got to show up that way. And so in moments, even if you do get triggered by your partner, instead of reacting, go to your room, take a break, tend to yourself.
I love thinking of my nervous system, my emotions, as this little child. And when that child starts screaming, you don't ignore it, you go tend to it. So I leave the room, I go tend to that. I journal, I get clear on what it is that I'm feeling and I move through it all. And when I can communicate from a regulated place, I come back out and I model that to my partner. You'd be surprised how much they learn. I think of my husband, how much he learned until he started really doing men's work and all that just by watching me.
[00:29:25] Speaker A: So now let's take it to the workplace. Because heaven forbid we lose our stuff in the workplace, but a lot of times, especially in corporate environments, healthcare is especially toxic in some ways because patients
[00:29:38] Speaker C: are coming in, they're in pain or whatnot. And then you've got a lot of
[00:29:42] Speaker A: other colleagues maybe that are not fully regulated.
[00:29:45] Speaker C: How do we manage that situation when it maybe is a toxic environment or it's a continual string of triggers, if you will.
[00:29:55] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. I know that at work sometimes we have to stay boring and compliant and not rock the boat there.
So important that we have an outlet afterwards that you take the time for that, that you have someone to talk to. Or a group that you belong to if you don't want to do it yourself, but that you do it, that you have a place to discharge everything that you are holding, to be boring and compliant.
[00:30:20] Speaker C: You know, it's really funny because I was in Sports Med for 20 years and I'm talking three, four patients an
[00:30:26] Speaker A: hour, multiple other clinicians, multiple other disciplines.
[00:30:31] Speaker C: Maybe you've got 50 people in the gym at any given time. So you've got a whole lot of emotions and pain and just soup stuff, emotional soup going on. And as the professional, it's our responsibility to be that safe space. And I'll tell you what I did. I would. When it would get to me and I was ready to just.
I would go to the restroom, which sounds disgusting, it's the worst place to be.
[00:30:55] Speaker A: But when you're in a clinic, sometimes
[00:30:57] Speaker C: that's the only place you can get peace. But I would literally go to the restroom just so that I could, like, take that moment and I would breathe along the way while I walked there and on the way back. And, you know, sometimes I would just like splash water on my face or something just to have that little bit of pattern reset that we were talking about in the last.
In the last segment. And that would be enough for me to reset enough to be calm and react in the appropriate manner. So what. Do you have any other. That's just what worked for me. Do you have any other tips?
[00:31:27] Speaker B: You're absolutely. I'm glad you brought that up because I've said that many times that people are like, well, where do I go if I'm in public? I'm like, well, where do you go if you're in public and you need to pee? Why is this any different? If you have to release an emotion? It's the same thing, like having to release that. So. So I love that you brought that up.
You know, guys, I think we've overcomplicated it. It really is that simple. Giving yourself space to ride the wave, to be expressive in private. So in a bathroom stall is great. And the breath, that's it.
There's not much more. We have to stop thinking that it's more. It's more, it's more. No, it's simple. That doesn't mean it's easy. And the reason it's not easy yet is because it hasn't been practiced. But you do it enough times and it becomes second nature to you, where it's just what you do and you're able to regulate that much quicker.
[00:32:20] Speaker A: And, you know, we started the show. In the very beginning of the show, we said we don't fall back to what we want. We fall back to our highest level of training. So it really starts today. And I'm a coach. I can't help it. We're going to have an action step right now. This is a great opportunity for you to practice breathing the way that Anant shared with us in the very first segment of today's show. Like, take a couple of minutes right now while we continue the conversation and just breathe, be with the breath and practice that. And I challenge you to practice this three or four times a day so that that becomes your fallback when something happens.
So, Anat, we've talked about this, we've talked about how we can take our learning and model it for our children, for our clients, for our, our spouses, for the people in our life. But what happens when. And this happens a lot. What happens when we're in a relationship could be a friendship, could be a family member, whoever. And no matter what we do, it continues to be that toxic, unhealthy situation for us. When do we know it's time to remove and to just love them where they are, bless them and, and not interact or put ourselves into that confidence conversation? Because I know people are asking that,
[00:33:32] Speaker B: yeah, well, when you've done your work, for sure. When you know, and as much as we could be regulated, when you start to realize that I'm regulated and now I'm holding them, I'm holding their stuff, their trauma, that's when it's like, oh, this is toxic. They're dumping on me. I, I do have all the capacity. I have done the work. I am regulated.
Why do I need to take this, why do I need to take these punches, this garbage? So I think those moments is when we get to set boundaries. We get to have the, the, the confrontation, the uncomfortable conversation.
And if that's not received, if they can't honor your boundaries. Boundaries are your friends, guys. And I invite you to actually use the word boundary. Not. It would be nice, if that's a suggestion. No, this is a boundary for me. And if they can't honor that, then you know that it's time to go.
[00:34:29] Speaker A: Thanks for that. So I just want to sort of like, say this louder for the people in the back of the room. If you're in a situation and you've done all the work, you have learned how to regulate yourself, but it just
[00:34:42] Speaker C: continues and continues and continues and you
[00:34:44] Speaker A: set the boundary and it continues after that. Because let's Be real. Once you set the boundary, there has to be a little bit of time where you reinforce the boundary. Because if you have been, if they're used to you in a certain way, it's not going to happen overnight. But if they're at least aware and making the effort, that's different than I set the boundary. You, you crossed it one time and done like it's.
Understand that they're human. Just like you had to take time to regulate yourself and to learn, they're going to need that too. So you might need to reinforce that boundary, but there is always an opportunity for you to walk away. If you can't, if you give them the time, if you set the boundary and you continually reinforce it for a reasonable amount of time, walk away. Life is too short and sometimes it's our family and that's hard. But sometimes that boundary setting and that removing yourself from the situation is exactly what that other person needs to do their own work.
And it doesn't have to be a permanent thing if they can come back and honor your boundaries.
We do have to take a brief break, but the reality is connection isn't built in reaction.
Connection is only built when we are regulated, when we can have that full presence and focus.
Coming up next, we're going to be talking about resilience, how to build a nervous system that can handle pressure, uncertainty and the pace of modern life after these messages.
Welcome back to Vital Signs. Loving what you're seeing. Don't miss a moment of it. We are streaming live and on demand, wherever, whenever you want. Grab the Free Now Media TV app on iOS or Roku or for interested in access to our lineup, prefer podcasts. Me too. Listen to anytime
[email protected]. now media is here for you 247 and we're going to dive right back in because this has been such an amazing conversation. We have talked about the importance of breathing.
We've talked about training ourselves that we have that resilience so that we have that nervous system regulation. We talked a little bit about setting boundaries once we have done the work so that we can continue to be supported. But the reality is, in today's world, resilience is not optional. It's a skill set that each and every one of us has to have. We've got constant pressure, change, uncertainty, AI, geopolitical tension, stress. The ability to stay grounded is one of the most valuable things that you can do, one of the most valuable skill sets that you can have. And I'm here with Anat, who is an expert in this space. So, Anat, what does true emotional resilience actually look like?
[00:37:49] Speaker B: Well, first I'm gonna tell you what it's not. Cause I think people think that it's being calm all the time. And it's not. It's how quickly you can recover and come back to a regulated place from activation.
And again, this isn't something that you have to work hard for. It's something that you practice and you retrain your nervous system to do. Remember that? 0.2 seconds.
So once it's trained, how quickly can you recover from something that activates you? Well, as quick as 0.2 seconds. So true resilience is building that capacity in all areas of your life and for all the emotions. You know, we are emotional beings. And the more you can be with different situations and different emotions that arise for you, then no matter what, you are what I like to call an energetic Jedi.
[00:38:41] Speaker A: Well, let me stop you right there. Like, so is there too much fun or too much excitement? And that can cause a problem with our nervous system regulation and our resilience. Like if we're always in a state of excitement. Let me give you a minute, some context.
I love solving problems. I can't help myself. But to start businesses, it just keeps happening. But if I do too much at once, I get to the point where I'm 17 hours working and I haven't even noticed. That's not exactly healthy either. So too much of a good thing, Not a good thing.
[00:39:12] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. We need balance.
If you're again, while you're doing all these things, how connected are you to your body and your breath and your needs? Like, are you actually eating? Are you tired? Or are you so disconnected because you are excited about what it is that you're working on that you forgot to even use the bathroom? You've been holding it or you skipped lunch. Like, those are the indications that you're not working with your nervous system and that you're gonna burn out later, that it's not gonna serve you later.
But if you could take care of those things, what you're doing again is that you're self caring in all the moments. And what you'll find is that you will have more capacity.
[00:40:00] Speaker A: Yeah, I totally feel like I am seen right now because that would be me. I'm the one who skips breakfast and lunch because I'm so involved. And then I look up, it's 3pm and I'm like, why am I cranky? Well, duh. I didn't eat anything all Day, I'm like living on coffee and water, that's not healthy.
So if that's you and that resembles you, too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. So make sure that you're breathing, make sure that you put some alarms. Like for me, I have to literally set an alarm for lunch because if I'm really into the day and I'm excited about what I'm doing, it doesn't even cue me to say, oh, oh, you're hungry. But when that alarm breaks me out of that mental focus or out of that excitement, as soon as that alarm hits, I'm like, oh, wow, I do have hunger.
[00:40:42] Speaker B: Do you honor it though?
[00:40:43] Speaker A: I do.
[00:40:43] Speaker B: I think that's the key too. I know people that do set alarms, but they still override it. So it's your ability to set those alarms because you know right now that you need that type of support and actually honor you. It's gonna serve you well.
[00:40:57] Speaker A: The good thing is like most days that's not the problem. And before the alarm goes off, I start to feel the hunger and so I pull back. But there are definitely days where if I didn't have that alarm, this girl wouldn't be fed. I'm just being real because I really enjoy what I do and that's a lot of people. So now let me ask you the next question because I mean we saw this in sports medicine all the time. Why do some people break under pressure but others seem to thrive on.
[00:41:26] Speaker B: All goes back to. I feel like I'm a broken record repeating myself. But your resilience, your nervous system, again we've over complicated it. It's quite simple.
When you have the capacity, you can handle the moment. You can recover so much quicker than someone who doesn't have that resilience, the smallest thing. Also if they are working, if you don't have the resilience, you are in overdrive. Your nervous system is in a state where like we said early on, what are the indications that, that you're in a dysregulated nervous system is the tiniest things will set you off. So there you go, you can see it in action.
[00:42:08] Speaker A: So we've talked about a couple of daily practices to build that long term regulation. You've given us an amazing resource. Can you talk about that resource again while we're on topic? So if you're watching and you feel overwhelmed, if you feel like you're in overdrive, if you know that you don't have resilience and you would like to learn or build Some of this into your system. How can they reach out to you?
[00:42:33] Speaker B: Go to www.tcs16number16.com safety. You get to download this audio. It's about 17 minutes, no, 12 minutes.
The first nine minutes or so of it is just. Just me guiding you through what it is to breathe properly, breathe into your belly. A lot of people don't even know how to take a proper breath. They're breathing into their chest, how to get into their body, start to feel comfortable with sensations.
And then the last five minutes is just music where you get to just enjoy meeting whatever is there.
It will, I think the first few times for a lot of people, they've said to me, I had the best nap right afterwards. You know why? Because you're dysregulated so much that once you're done running from for survival and you could, your system actually says, oh, I'm safe.
It wants to rest.
So it's not designed for that. But that's the initial. After that, you're gonna really recognize and start to learn what it is to stay connected to your breath and your body so that you hear those signals when you're hungry or when it's too much for you and you're working with your body.
[00:44:04] Speaker A: And so now let's get into like basic hygiene. I'm just gonna ask the question because there's a lot of practices that we do that are, that are like just so super simple. For example, when you wake up in
[00:44:14] Speaker C: the morning, go outside and get some sunlight. Like, it sets your circadian rhythm. It allows your body to know, oh, hey, it's time to wake up. Getting your movement. And you've suggested bringing this reset into your day a few times a day, two times a day, three times a day. How often should we utilize this tool?
[00:44:34] Speaker B: I would say minimum once a day.
And what you're going to find is after you've done it a few times, you'll actually learn it where you may not even need it. You may enjoy doing it, going along with the audio, but at minimum, once a day. I just want to be reasonable here. If you guys do it once a day, you're good to go. Anything above that bonus to you.
And it doesn't have to be at a particular time, whenever you really feel that you need it could be that time or. Actually, you know what I love is as transition. So if you're transitioning from a day of work to being with your kids or being with your partner, that's a great time to do this to kind of Reset, clear all that and be present with your loved ones.
[00:45:22] Speaker C: Be ready to go. So another good time that I would
[00:45:25] Speaker A: say is if you're in one of those toxic work environments we talked about,
[00:45:29] Speaker C: doing your reset at lunch can be so powerful. And then instead of at the end of the day, you having nothing left, you at least had that little recharge at lunch. I think that would be really helpful for some of our listeners and viewers.
[00:45:42] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:45:43] Speaker C: And I just want to share with you guys. This has been a conversation about nervous system regulation. It's not complicated. It's actually pretty simple. It's about breathing, it's about being okay, creating that safe space for yourself. Anat, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for your expertise and everything you've shared and thank you for the free tool for all of our viewers.
[00:46:04] Speaker B: You're welcome. I'm excited for you guys.
[00:46:07] Speaker C: Well, folks, you don't build resilience in the moment of stress. You build it in the moment of practice before the stress happens.
Your health is not just physical, it's emotional, it's relational, it's neurological. And when you train your nervous system, everything improves. Your energy, your clarity, your relationships, your performance in everything that you do. Unfortunately, all good things come to an end, including this show. But the good news is that you have a defined action item, is to take that time for yourself and do the reset leverage, a knots tool that she provided for us. Take a few minutes to simply breathe and provide that safe space so that you can down regulate and improve, improve your recovery. Because the grind and hustle culture, it may be glamorized, but the reality is your health resets and rejuvenates and restores when you are in recovery, when you're able to bring that down a notch and get true rest.
So the good news is we'll be here same time, same station. But this is vital signs and this is us taking control of our greatest asset, our health. See you next time.
